He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
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I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
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Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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