The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
