butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
