new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
