well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
