She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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