I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
