what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Randomize
