is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
