Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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