no, he came in my armpit
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
