Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
