i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
