Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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