So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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