Porn is love you can see.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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