Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
