Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
