did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
