I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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