yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
