I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
