i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
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