Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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