There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize