There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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