Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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