i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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