I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Randomize
