i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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