What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
