a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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