fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
