Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
