I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
