i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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