Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
