Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
