sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
