I'm drive I can fine osifer
He had one of those small greek statue penises
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
