I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
