I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
