Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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