No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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