Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
