I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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