Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
