Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
a search helicopter?!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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