did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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