I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
