He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
