Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
