You're my little dorito
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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