thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
please don't ironically join a cult
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