Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
