dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
