we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
