yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
