So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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