I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
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the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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