I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
