I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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