We're like a lot better than the average bears
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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