Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
