Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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