I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
